All children who live with domestic violence are affected by the experience. The nature and extent of the effects vary greatly.
Children are not just eyewitnesses to battering. They are actively involved in trying to understand the abuse, predict when it will happen, protect themselves, their parents or their siblings and worrying about the consequences. Fear and secrecy dominate family relationships, and survival becomes the primary goal of non-abusing family members. The focus on making it through each day may leave little room for fun and relaxation, meeting basic needs or planning for the future. They grow up in a climate of anxiety, vigilance, helplessness and unpredictability rather than one of structure, nurture and emotional and physical safety.
Children are exposed to domestic violence in many different ways:
n Seeing mother threatened, demeaned or battered.
n Being in the middle of an assault by accident, because the abuser intends it, or because the child tries to intervene.
n Overhearing conflict and battering.
n Seeing the aftermath, such as mother's injuries and trauma reactions.
n Living in a household dominated by tension and fear.
n Being raised by parents whose ability to care for them is compromised by domestic violence.
n Being used and manipulated by the abuser to hurt the battered parent.
n Suffering the consequences of economic abuse.
Effects of exposure to domestic violence can include:
n Believing the abuse is their fault
n Turning against mother or father or having ambivalent feelings about both parents.
n Feeling that they are alone, that there is no one who understands them.
n Being afraid to talk about the abuse or express their feelings.
n Developing negative core beliefs about themselves and others.
n Developing unhealthy coping and survival reactions, such as mental health or behavior problems.
n Being isolated from people who might find out about the abuse or offer help.
Children also learn lessons such as:
n Violence and coercion are normal and justifiable.
n Abusive tactics are effective ways of getting what you want.
n There are two ways to solve problems: aggression and passivity.
n Victims are responsible for what happens to them.
n People who hurt others don't face consequences for their actions.
n It's OK to blame problems on someone else.
n People who are supposed to take care of you cannot always be trusted.
Long-term effects of exposure to domestic violence include a higher risk for alcohol and drug abuse, sexual acting out, running away, and suicide. Boys who grow up with domestic abuse are more likely to abuse their intimate partners, and girls are less likely to seek help if they become victims in their adult relationships.
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